In a Heartbeat

Why do we continually make the same choice over and over even when we are not getting the result we want? I see it in others and I ask them why? Usually the answer has something to do with a fixed image of ourselves as a certain kind of person. In other words, we are the kind of person who must always say yes when our insides are screaming NO! Or we see ourselves as the kind of person who cannot ask a tough question for fear we won't be universally loved and adored. Or we feel we are the sort who must play fair and by the rules even if everyone else in the game has thrown out the rules, or perhaps they are playing a different game by different rules and have merely forgotten to inform us. I get this dilemma profoundly because I have walked this road most of my life. Until the day when I could not override my primal survival instincts and instead of playing sweet and nice,  I played the part of a ruthless negotiator. Oddly enough I have no regrets. I did what needed to be done. And I don't think I turned into a Rat Bastard like the person I pushed back  behind the line of civilized behavior. For him it was a way of life, for me it was a necessary adaptation fueled by a situation which I did not choose. I chose to temporarily expand my vision of who I could be given the right circumstances and was therefore able to act in my own best interest. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.